Why it’s okay with fiction, but not in real life

When it comes to book boyfriends the ones we love the most are those who show their feelings toward the main character and always seem to say the perfect things. Everybody woman wishes to encounter a man like the ones described in romance novels and on most TV shows.

But while we love all book boyfriends no matter how they used to be at the beginning of the book, meaning if they were a complete jerk and very rude to the lead character and treated her like was some sort of antichrist there is one wrong thing with all those stories; the male lead is mostly the kind of man that in real life would be classified as aggressive and not worthy of the kind of lady the female lead is supposed to be.

According to the Help Guide organization website, one of the main signs to watch out for domestic abuse is how controlling your partner is. An abuser uses guilt and fear and intimidation to wear the person down. Other signs to watch for are, extreme jealousy and possessiveness. Also the way they make all the abuse feel like it’s not, is by the abuser being extremely good at lying, making excuses and making the abuse feel like is the person’s fault, like they did something wrong and they deserve it.

Most books don’t go as deep as physical abuse with a lead character because that would not be a romance novel. However, there are characters that are borderline abusive and characters that in real life would be label as an abusive and angry person.

Entertainment Weekly

Entertainment Weekly

I feel like some of the novels that show this kind of behavior in the main male character and at the same time make the character so likable for their dialog are series like, Twilight, Fifty Shades, Hush, Hush and Beautiful Disaster to name a few. To be honest with you, three of those series are some of my favorite series and I cannot help, but love the main guy. I love those books, loved reading them and there were many, many times were the phrases the main guy was saying made me wish to have a guy like that in my life. The thing is, when I actually think about it, how my life would be is I had any of those guys in my life, I know I would hate it. If either of those guys (Edward, Christian, Patch or Travis) was my boyfriend.

I’m not trying to say those authors are bad writers or that the books are bad. In fact, I believe those are great books, awesome writing and great story line (like I said before I love most of those books and characters). But the thing is, I can’t help but be objective and realize that +there are some serious signs of abuse in those books.

For the Twilight series I just feel that from the moment Bella realized what Edward is, in real life a normal, sane person would have probably moved towns or even states just to avoid him. I mean for real, he is a mythical creature that has an urge to drink Bella’s blood and could kill her by just hugging her a little too hard.

Robert Pattinson Summit Entertainment

Robert Pattinson
Summit Entertainment

Edward exercises a lot of power over Bella, not just by being a jealous controlling boyfriend, but also because he had something that Bella wanted (to become a vampire). He manipulated her into marrying him in order for him to turn her. Tell me if that’s not abuse?

With Fifty Shades? Well where to even begin. Again this is one of my favorite series, I’ve read the books about three or four times each and I feel like Christian comes a long way since meeting Ana, but you cannot say there is not abuse in that relationship. Abuse is all over place in there.

Jamie Dornan Entertainment Weekly

Jamie Dornan
Entertainment Weekly

The guy bought her a phone just to be able to contact her whenever he wanted. He bought her a car (I mean that is great I guess I would love a car too), then he made her sign a Nondisclosure Agreement. He then goes and buys the company for which she was going to work and then threatened to buy every single company she worked for if she decided to leave the one she was currently on just to make sure she is “okay.”

I mean possessive much?

Following with another mythical creature, a Fallen Angel, Patch Cipriano made it to my list. Although he redeemed himself through the following books in the series after Hush, Hush, there is no doubt that at the beginning he was a possessive, scary and abusive attempt of a boyfriend. I mean to begin with he wanted to kill Nora. TO KILL HER.

Courtesy of Simon and Schuster

Courtesy of Simon and Schuster

If that is not reason enough to run for the hills away from this kind of guy he made sure to scare poor Nora off, just enough for her to be scare of almost everything and everyone she encountered, to feel and think he was her only option for her to be safe. I mean she died for him, well she didn’t really die, but she threw herself from the ceiling of a gym just to save him.

Finally more of a normal guy, but still very abusive and needy, Travis Maddox. Travis was a sweetheart trying to convince a girl that he was worthy of her throughout the book, but the way he went about it was just the wrong way. He fought for a living, he fought to forget all the pain he’d been through and he fought to make sure no other guy looked at the girl he wanted. To be honest he was the lesser of all the evils because he mostly was possessive and jealous because he was competing for the love of the girl.


There was one time when Abbie was almost forced into being with him because he was always there, just wouldn’t leave her alone to do anything that would potentially end up in her being with someone that wasn’t him. To me that is just not fighting fair.

Colton Hayes

Colton Hayes posing with Beautiful Disaster Book Instagram

The good thing about these characters is that they are fictional, for better or worse they are locked in a book and will never come out no matter how much we will them too. The bad thing is, abuse is very real, and thousands of women suffer from it and don’t even realize it. Don’t let your love for romance novels fool you into thinking you will change a man into someone that will be suitable for you. We are human beings and we don’t change, not really. So, don’t read these books and think you will have a happy ending; chances are you will only end up being hurt.

This is why abusive boyfriends are okay in fiction (not rally but it is fiction) and not in real life. Real life hurts, real life is hard, and real life is only one, like Will Traynor would say, it is our “duty to live it as fully as possible.”


6 thoughts on “Why it’s okay with fiction, but not in real life

  1. Val Davies says:

    Interesting points here. Personally I loathed 50 shades of Gray, I didn’t see anything romantic about it at all, I thought he was a horrible man and I would definitely run a mile from him! I did however adore Edward (Twilight). I think we probably want to take the best character traits from book guys and add them to our real life men! Psychologically, perhaps it’s about feeling protected and safe? At the end of the day it’s all about escapism though isn’t it. One of my favourite series is Dark Elements but in real life I certainly wouldn’t consider a relationship with a Crown Prince of Hell! It makes for an interesting discussion.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cristina S. says:

      Yeah, I almost included Roth in this post, but his way to treat Layla was not abusive, it was more on the protective side. And yeah, Fifty Shades is something else, I mean I like the love story (which was mostly buried under all the abuse lol) but all the other parts are a bit hard to digest!


  2. Sara Giboney says:

    This is so true! I thought the same thing when I read 50 Shades. Christian’s behavior was totally controlling and emotionally abusive. One thing I thought a lot about when I read that series, was that it was sending the message that women should be turned on by a controlling man and that a woman can change a tormented, abusive man. Or maybe it was intended only to be fantasy and not looked at in the context of real life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cristina S. says:

      True, I mean I guess it works for some people, but for the most part it’s just weird and I feel like it was such a big hit just because people talked about how it was “mommy porn” or whatever.


  3. FiftyShadesOfTruthAndBS says:

    Thank you for posting this. 50 Shades is a series that promotes anything but healthy relationships. It frightens me that teenagers and other vulnerable people read these books as use them as a guide for how a BDSM relationship should be. Christian Grey is anything but a healthy dominant and boyfriend.

    Liked by 1 person

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